trust me

My sweet little pickle face sat on my lap this evening as I read a very heart-wrenching article about childhood terminal illness and she watched "Scooby Doo" the movie. Of course by the time I finished reading I was bawling hysterically and Lex sat there looking at me in confusion. I tried not to cry. I didn't want to upset her but even though my darling husband may try to argue this on occasion, I am  not a cold-hearted bitch and I turned to mush reading about the heartache these children's parents endure. As a parent I couldn't help but think to myself, I  couldn't do. How do those parents stay strong for their dying children? How could I live without the only thing that really matters to me? I didn't even realize it but I had allowed myself to slide into a very dark series of thoughts that had left my chest actually physically aching. I couldn't pull myself out of it even though Lexi begged "mommy, don't cry. stop crying." Then she held my chin in her tiny little hand  and repeated a line from that dreadful talking dog movie...."trust me." I thought about how just a few days before she watched "Steve" from "Blue's Clues" skadoo into a storybook. She didn't skip a beat as she wiggled her bottom and sang along "Blue skadooed we can too." She jumped up into the air and  face planted on the storybook she had laying on the ground. She was genuinely shocked it hadn't worked and immediately turned to me and shouted "Mom, I can't get in!" My baby girl has faith, lots and lots of faith. And she's right I need to trust her and her faith.

keep your damn germs!

Well it's that time of year again. You know, that time of year when you daydream of being allowed to dress your beloved little clones in HAZ-MAT suits before sending them off for their daily adventures in the world. All those little vertically challenged petri dishes disguised by gymboree and baby gap. Sure they may look cute, but in reality, they are festering little pillows of puss waiting to ooze all over your precious little angel. Then, said angel comes home and rubs their plague ridden selves all over everything including your face. Before you know it, you wake up in the middle of a full week of hell on earth. Those little zombie bastards got me again! Last week Lexi and I ran into the local grocery store and hit up the deli counter for a few must haves. While walking down the isle to the register, Lexi saw a jumbo bag of Runts candies and instantly turned into baby hulk. So while I decide to lock into this power struggle with my suddenly freakishly strong toddler the entire store can hear her screams of agony as I tell her "no candy." Just as we approach the register(yes I decided to drag the protesting candy fiend to the register mid-tantrum instead of trying to hide in the back of the store and wait it out)an adorable little muffin of a girl, maybe 8 or 9 yrs old ambushes me! Before I could even process what was going on she flanks me on the left and thrusts a 2 1/2 inch rubbery little panda bear into Lexi's chubby little fist and proclaims "Here you go!" Of course the demon thrashing in my arms instantly turns back into my beautiful, doe eyed baby girl. Rosey cheeks soaked with big fat crocodile tears and a perfectly pearly white grin. The girl who has just single handedly regressed us at least 6 mos in tantrum breaking smiling at me with her chunky little cheeks and jack-o-lantern grin. Her mother looks up and proclaims, "aww that was very nice, honey!" I have to think on the fly here. I weigh my options which include pretending I don't speak English, as well as plotting revenge on little miss Trojan horse and her mother for screwing with my life. I decide it's not the end of the world, I'll take it away after we've left the store and hand sanitize the shit out of Lexi's hands. I smile back at the girl and her mother then prompt Lexi to say thank you, which she does. I pay for my groceries and head quickly to my truck. About 15 steps away from our truck, as I'm fumbling for my keys it happens. She stuck the damn thing in her mouth! So here I am, 1 week later and I can only use one of my nostrils, it feels like I've swallowed glass, and I've already missed 3 days of work. We spent the first 2 days of this week, up half the night battling fevers and coughing fits. Gotta love fall!

It begins

I've decided that I wanted to chronicle all of life's precious little moments with my treasure, Alexis. My hope is that some day when she is grown she will look back on all these moments and cherish the fact that I took the time (time I do not have) to log these memories for her. But I'm a realist, so I'm pretty sure this will simply become a cyber version of my generation's bronzed baby shoes. Covered with dust and spider webs in the virtual attic, forgotten.